Being abducted mentally

For the past two days it's felt like my mound has been abducted. I can see and feel that I have a poor attitude. It feels like poison coming out of me. It takes every moment of willpower and concentration to make it not come out. Therefore, that didn't happen very much.
Just making me do what I needed to do instead of what I wanted to do was a challenge in itself. I feel very accomplished in that. I did the few things that I told myself I needed to do yesterday. Today I only have a few things on my list as well. We'll see if we can keep the alien at bay today.
The most amazing thing is that I could see and sense the bad attitude there. I knew it was happening and that I had little chance of controlling it. I kept telling my daughter's that I had a bad attitude and that I would not be willing to do most of what I normally do for them. The amazing thing was that they stepped up and did a lot of what they would normally ask me for.
I actually threw a tempertantrum at myself last night on the way to sending myself to bed. The littlest thought that was hilarious. I think that moment was the weirdest of all the two days. I could feel the turmoil and the frustration swirling around my calm. I truly felt like I was being hijacked.
Today should be interesting. Has it gone away? Is it still sleeping? Is it planning a sneak attack? The adventure awaits.

Substitute

This is not to brag about me but every day that I teach makes me realize how unique I am. The last 2 teachers I taught with let me know how refreshing I was and how thrilled they are to know that they will not have just a warm body in their classroom. After I have conversations like this, I ponder why I'm so different than the majority. Is there something that I care suggest others do or learn our something I can teach to help the rest of the become less than warm bodies.

Today's idea is that I treat these students as if they were my own kids. I always wanted to be that mom where my kids friends felt comfortable coming and talking to me, not because I was cool our fun but because I was a good listener and comfortable to be around. So I take this idea into the classroom. They are my kids or they are the friends of my kids. I treat them like family, mainly because I don't know if they have a family at home. Even if they do, I want to be an adult that they could want to be like in some manner or another. Because sometimes they don't understand or enjoy their parents and are looking for someone else to know and mentor with.

So could more substitutes be successful if they treated their classrooms like each child was their own?

Or maybe it's just that I walk with the Lord and see each student as a child off God, therefore they all have a set of gifts and blessings inside of them waiting to be ignored with love, hope, and Faith.

Maybe they need hope of their own.

Maybe they need a purpose.

I want to shine. I know the Lord shines through me. But only if I shine.

Maybe that should be my catch phrase of the year .... Hope Shines.

Excessive Words

It has occurred to me that I have an excessive amount of words to use every day. I hear them come out of many mouths every day and am fascinated by them. It just has never occurred to me that I have that many too since talking has never been my strong suit.

It's amazing how many words I have now that I've been working on talking and expressing myself more for the past 15 years. (Wow. When you double digit things it makes an impact on your brain.)

So I was thinking this morning that I need to find a proper outlet for my words and make it a habit. For that has been my downfall, making anything a habit.

I first thought I needed to find a place to dump my words but that imaged a spewing form and didn't seem pretty.

Then I thought I may need to put them somewhere. That brought the image of them not being valuable or worthy of sharing.

Then I thought of a place for them. That sounded right. Each word has it's proper place. They are being created in my brain for a purpose. They should not just be flung around, spewed out, or hidden away. They should be put in their proper place.

And that's when I realized that I really do have an excessive amount of words. Because I thought all of that about the words that roll around in my head.

Full of words

It has been too long since I have written here. I have told myself too many excuses for why I haven't written. 

"My thoughts are  not grand enough." 

"I haven't gotten the time."

Then my wonderful husband gave me an amazing anniversary present, a signed copy of Letters to Lindsey by Terri Brady. 

It has reinspired me to write again. Words are powerful no matter how grandless and there's no excuse for busy.

So I plan on writing when inspired no matter how less grand my ideas may seem. Sometimes all it takes is a small word from someone to change your attitude or your life.

Perspective

It's amazing the multitude of lessons the one can learn from a slight injury. I don't know why I have to be so old before I get all these injuries.

Took an amazing field trip with my tall girl to the school forest for an overnight. We had so much fun. She has an amazing group of kids in her class and the parents are pretty cool too.

We started our adventure skiing. Not the best snow for skiing. I did ok until the group I was with decided to go down wipe-out hill. 

Hind sight is 20/20. I should have just skied down to the lodge instead of trying the hill. But I decided to give it a try. I'd show you the bruise I got from the first couple of falls but my buh-hind is definitely not photo worthy. That bruise is beautiful though and the biggest I've ever had.

The wrist though...I knew it was bad the second it happened. Was confirmed when I almost passed out. Got back to the lodge and wrapped myself up and stuck out the weekend. My tall girl was already trying to blame herself for my injury. I told her that if I was meant to get hurt, that I would have gotten hurt anywhere. Ice and Ibproferin are my new friends for a while. Good thing it's winter and there are ice packs everywhere outside.

This pic is before my first shower after the crash.

This is the one after the shower.

Pictures don't do the colors justice. You can't see all the green and blues and purples and blacks.

This is last night. It's fascinating. The changing colors.

The blessings have been great.

I have this backpack that I got for a trip. It was priced at $19 and rang up at $5. It fits everything in it and I can easily sling it on my back.

The girls are learning everything I do for them because I need their help with all of it  now. Cutting an apple this morning with torture. The girls stepped up and helped with everything. My tall girl got a kick out of having to help me put my snowpants on (just like you used to do with me me).

I'm learning to do one thing at a time. I only have one hand so all the multitasking I usually do is not possible. The girls have started stepping in and being a huge help. My hubby helps too when he's not off being busy.

I'm learning how much quicker I can get things done with two hands.

I get to see how helpful my kids are.

I'm learning the hidden benefits of winter.

I'm learning how much pain you can overcome for others.

I'm learning how hard it is to choose your words.

Then there are the frustrations. 

Not being able to do everything I was able to do last week.

Having to explain the injury.

Getting stuck in my coat like a 2 year old.

Having shooting pain that I can't explain.

I can't wait to see what else I'm going to learn through all of this .

Dream Big

I just listened to a cd on which the speaker asked, "If you had to spend a quarter of a million dollars by the end of the month, would you be able to do it?"

Would you?

I spent the morning making a nice long list to share with my hubby and wondered what your thoughts on the idea are.

I started shopping for land and some buildings to put on it and some fancy dresses for the girls and airline tickets for a trip with the family. I think that would just about cover it.

What are your dreams?

Updates on brain washing

It was an amazing moment. It was finally warm enough to walk to school to bring the girls home...in case you didn't know, we live in the frozen tundra of Wisconsin. Weeks of 20 below weather has been our regular. We have also had massive amounts of snow. I feel just like a kid again with snowbanks higher than my kids. It is absolutely wonderful and I hear that there's more snow coming. 4 below this morning wasn't too happy but it's February and I live in Wisconsin.

Anyway...it got to be 8 above and the wind was pretty much nil, so I decided to walk and enjoy the sunshine. As I was waiting for the bell to ring and reading my book when the other parents started to arrive. All the negative small talk amongst them made me ill, confused, and glad that I no longer think like that. They were all complaining about the more cold coming and the more snow coming. I was amazed because they seem to have forgotten that they live in Wisconsin. They seem to have forgotten that it is February. I don't know why you would complain about something you cannot change. Well...you can change it by moving yourself to a different part of the country that does not experience such weather. Complaining about anything does not solve the problem it just spread negativity.

Which made me so very glad about my brain washing. I get excited about every snowflake in every snowfall. I get excited about the sunshine and the warmth. I bundle up and stay where it's warm when it gets cold. I enjoy the season that I am in. Why complain when I cannot change the weather. The only thing I can change is me and I choose to change me for the better, to lift myself up and thereby lifting up those around me. Change is inevitable, you might as well embrace it and use it for your improvement.

After that day at school, I have noticed it a lot more often. The natural tendency to think negatively in the people around me. It makes me sad. why would you want to look at the downside of everything rather than find that silver lining in all around you.

I encourage you to start noticing what you say and what you listen to from those around you.

My Favorite Word

My wonderful hubby has been posting notes all over the house and I found this one the other day hanging on the wall over my desk. I squealed with happiness that he remembered.

We had an interesting conversation quite a few weeks back.

My favorite word is UP. I shared that with the kindergartners I was helping learn sight words and they looked at me like I was crazy. I shared this with my family over dinner. My hubby asked why it was my favorite word. 

"Because you always say it with a happy tone. It's impossible to say "up" and make it sound down."

Which led to an amazing giggle-filled discussion on words. We all tried saying "up" and making it sound down. Then we tried saying "down" and making it sound up. Then we started saying other words to try and see what sounds they make. Which ones sound up and which ones sound down.

Try it yourself and with your family.

I would love to hear what your favorite word is and why.

Merry Christmas - part 2

Had to share this fun little thought that bounced through my head. It came to me as a realization that we have grown.

For Christmas this year, I gave my hubby a toaster because ours shoots green and blue sparks when you use it. He normally toasts his bread for breakfast, so I thought it would be a good idea for him. He got me some of my own clothes that have lived at my mom's house for quite some time. I also got some awesome new socks and a beautiful watch (because all, and I mean all, of mine are dead). It wasn't all thrill and excitement. But we were filled with joy and smiles watching the girls open their presents.

Santa got each girl exactly what they wanted. Hazel girl got the doll she asked for and food shaped erasers (dog ate her donut, it was a very sad day). Amber girl got the cat she asked for (grandma got her one too so she glows with excitement). Violet girl got a peanut.

I think my favorite part is that they keep getting mixed up as to who gave them what. Also, that beyond their Santa gift, their favorite presents so far are the ones that are Christian based. We've got nativities, Noah's ark, and monkeys that pray.

I'm ok with the Christmas spirit missing me this year. Because the Spirit of Christ lives within me and brings me joy daily.

Getting excited for New Year's Eve. Oh what fun we are going to have being together as a family and enjoying the joy of doing just that.

Praying that you all are having the most wonderful holidays and that the Spirit is living in you.

Merry Christmas

The girls and I have been having lots of great discussions this season about God. They are all very concerned about people that say they don't believe in God. They are so concerned about the fact that all of those people are going to hell.
The girls have been amazing with their focus on what they are giving for Christmas rather than what they are getting this year. There hasn't been the eternal greed and want this year. It has been a wonderful Christmas so far.
The girls have been very concerned about the thought that Jesus is not allowed into their school. We keep reinforcing to them that they may take Him into school all they want. This seems to help and I truly look forward to the results of their efforts.
My spirit has been down a bit lately. It occurred to me that I missed some of our regular traditions and that's probably the reason why. This year, I need to focus on our traditions because that's what the girls are going to remember. Those special moments together as a family.

I pray that you and your family enjoy all of your traditions and have the most amazing Christmas serving and sharing with each other as Christ would have us do.

Merry Christmas to you all.

Weeble Wobble

Have you ever had one of those days where you felt like a weeble wobble?

Your mind is moving along just nicely and then someone tugs on this thought. Then someone else tugs on that thought. It starts you weebling. Then you remember your list of 50 things you need to be doing other than this and you start to wobble. At least you can hold on tight to the thought of their advertising line, "Weebles wobble but they don't fall down."

As long as I keep praying and staying in the Word, I will not fall down.

Ever feel like Job? Been having those thoughts lately. Not having everything taken away from you and sitting in a pile of ashes. But the idea that Satan has gone to God asking for permission to test your faith. God responds, "Yes, just don't touch_____." Then if you pass that challenge, he goes back and asks again and again and again.

Eventually the Weeble stops wobbling until someone touches it or shakes it up. Eventually my mind will settle again. Until then, I do what I know how to do and pray and study.

Thanks for listening.

10 years has brought me to this day.

I am celebrating an exciting 10 years of marriage to my wonderful hubby today. It has been quite an adventuresome day so far.

Woke to a wonderful love note from the hubby and a hot pot of coffee. Received a message to let me know that dinner was taken care of and that I didn't need to prepare anything!!!

We took our breakfast on a walk today. Which didn't turn out as fabulously as Monday's same adventure went. I should know better that something wonderful cannot be repeated exactly as it was done the first time. Alot more bickering and non-participation which ended in new injuries. Some how, I didn't have band-aids on me...not quite sure how this happened yet, but we survived.

The girls decided that we should color my hair first. It looked really good on the box. Should have known when the cream kept getting brighter and brighter orange. It said vibrant medium red. yeah...

 She said the back is darker than the front.
She also told me that she really likes it.

Then she told me that the cakes she's baking look just like my hair.

 

The cakes are for Grandma's birthday tomorrow. We're taking a quick road trip to spend the day with her.

What do you think? I think the bright blue suit I found for a steal yesterday may be too much color to go with my hair.

We are also making a giant cookie for the hubby for our anniversary.

 And some frozen applesauce bites because the yogurt ones were so yummy!

And I still have to finish cleaning the house and sewing up some projects that are cluttering up the kitchen. We've been sewing up a storm here at our house. I should get some pics of the girls in their fascinating creations.

I can't wait to see what adventures the rest of the day bring us. Hopefully they are all less bright than my hair. Think I would have been better off going blue. At least I would have expected a bright color.

Roller coaster life

If life wasn't a roller coaster, it would be quite boring wouldn't it?

I am happy to say that all of my roller coastering lately has been all good stuffs. Things keep jumping on my plate and I start making plans for them to work to fulfillment. Then change happens and I have to adjust or, more often than not, I have to set the plan aside and start a new plan. Then change happens again and I have either had to exchange the plans back out or start again. I believe that the plans we have currently in place will be sticking through the summer. I started praying day and night for God to take control of them because I don't want my planning to be messing with all of these paths.

I will be happy to just stand in line and wait for a while. The stress I put on myself to try and get all these paths to flow in the same direction is exhausting. I know I need to pray and work and pray some more and it should be less stressful but it usually never is.

The exciting part of all this coastering is the way the hubby and I have been working together on everything and trying to smile more through everything. It has been lots of fun to see our synergy working again.

I did have an odd moment this past month that has still been lingering in my brain. I was at a picnic and the hubby was off playing with the girls. I was surrounded by people that seemed to know each other very well and I didn't know them all that well. The one women kept talking through me to the people at the other side of the table. I didn't know if she was talking to me or not and started to feel a little invisible and stupid for staying at the table. Not quite sure what could have been done differently in this situation. I guess it just one of those learning moments. Now I know to make sure to include everyone at the table in conversation and if I'm talking past someone, to lean forward so that the others would know who I was talking to.

Been trying to get myself on a schedule too. Having a hard time staying focused on my limited time spaces and everything has been blending together. Maybe this summer will help set the schedule in place or I may just have to wait for the new school year to start. All the kids are in school full days this next year. It's going to be a roller coaster year I feel.

Thanks for listening and I'll talk to you again soon. Hope everyone is surviving this storms as well as they can.

Thoughts on gossip

I wrote this and had more thoughts on it before I decided to post.

Been tossing around the idea about what is defined as gossip. I think the fact that I haven't talked much in my life that I don't quite understand the concept of gossip. The hubby shuts down our conversations when he believes we've been gossiping. This leaves me confused. I dug into the Bible to see what God had to say about gossiping.

I found that gossiping is when you talk down about a person or that you are spreading rumors about someone. That made me feel much better. The one conversation that I had with the hubby was about a couple that we've been friends with for a bit and certain things are happening in their life recently. Since we both had information that the other didn't, we got to talking about the new news about them. Then we started discussing how we couple best help and what next steps we should do. Brainstorming, problem solving. The hubby cut it up short because he said that we were gossiping. I didn't quite see the same result because I would have said most everything that I said in the car in their presence because I believe that people should know what others are thinking of them if it is produced in a proper form and manner.

The other conversation that came to mind with the idea of gossiping was a talk I had with a trusted girlfriend. We were discussing another friend and how it seemed that something had changed in her. We were wondering how long it was going to last and were problem solving what in her life may be the cause of all the changes and if there was anything that we may be able to do to help her. This may be close to gossiping but it was a trusted conversation, we weren't talking down, and we were trying to find a solution that we could use to possibly help this matter.

The topic came up again in MOMS group this week. It was brought up that some people have voiced that they don't share prayer requests because they don't want to become "the talk of the town" so to say. I agree to that thought because some people love to just talk about others. I think that we need to not be afraid to talk to trusted friends because women need women to talk to.

Here is my conclusion to the idea of gossiping: as long as you are talking up and now down, as long as you are talking truths and not rumors, as long as you are talking to find a solution that you will act on, as long as you are willing to talk to the person of topic about what you are discussing, and as long as you do not share the conversation with others, then you are not gossiping.

I would love to hear what you think of this conclusion. I have been having such a hard time talking to people lately. I have been having a hard time thinking lately. So many storms brewing in my brain. So many ideas waiting to be birthed from my mind. But only so much energy to do anything.

I've been thinking about this more and I still don't think that my definition is close. I may be on the right track. Things keep coming to me that talking about people can always lead to gossip. Something tells me that not talking about people is not a good thing as well. There are so many fine lines in everything. It's hard to judge where some people's lines are compared to others.

I still have no answer about this dilemma. Reading my study for MOMS this week I came across a list of Bible verses which ended with the question, "What do these mean to you?" I wrote, "It means that I am stuck with a load of words and have no clue as to what to do with them anymore."

Here are the verses for you to read:
He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity. - Proverbs 21:23
When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise. - Proverbs 10:19
If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. - James 1:26
Do not judge, or you too will be judged...Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? - Mathew 7:1,3

What do these verses say to you?

Battle of the Mind

Have you ever experienced a battle for your mind? Or better, your words? I've been battling with myself over the words I use. It's hard not just saying what you feel is appropriate and right. That may not sound right because you have the freedom of speech. Which is all true and well, but you also need to take others into consideration when you speak. If you walk around slapping people in the face all day with the words you say, people will eventually stop talking to you because they are tired of getting beat down.

I have a thousand words running around in my head every day and no one to tell them to. Part of the reason I started this blog was so that I could dump some of them here. Only the hubby and I had a conversation recently about what qualifies as gossip and the fact that he wants nothing to do with the internet. I find that a hard concept to grasp...actually both of them. When does talking about a person in order to get the facts straight and determine the next type of engagement turn into gossiping. I think I find this concept hard because I don't like talking about people in front of them whether it be good or bad. I actually find I have a hard time talking in front of people on average. It is getting better but it's still a battle I challenge.

The other battle is how I allow words to affect me. After being mentally and emotionally abused for how many years, it's hard not to let someone's words sink me. I've grabbed onto "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." - Luke 23:34 to help me battle this. It just doesn't always erase the words. The books I've been reading lately all surround the topic on how you must be careful of how you use your words because they can tear down as easily as they boost up. Words can also be connected to a powerful thought. I'm sure you've all had the experience where someone says a word or you hear it said and you are instantly somewhere else. Like reading Emotional Intelligence, when he started talking about the hippocampus I was instantly transferred to Meet the Robinsons.

These are the reasons why I haven't been writing on here as often as I would like to be. the power of my words and the effect words have on me stun me. I keep reading and I keep learning and eventually I will come again to the point where I am not conscious of who my words may be hitting and just praying that they are hitting the right person.

Stumped

I've been taking a course to get my substitute teacher certificate. Today's homework is to read a newspaper article and write a small lesson plan to go with it. This homework is in case the teacher didn't have time to prepare a lesson plan to leave for you.

Sounds simple enough doesn't it? I don't normally read a newspaper anymore. Haven't since we lived in Denver. But I found a small city newspaper in my mailbox today and read through it hoping.... I really don't want to talk about the teacher that may be coming back to work after being brought up on drug charges. I really don't want to talk about how they shouldn't have closed down that school and then remodel it. I don't want to write about the latest school board issues.

Ugh...I'm wondering if reading from a blog could be considered a newspaper. I read a great article from the History channel about the worst flood in history of the US. Today is it's 100th anniversary. I could do that. Read the kids the article. Then have them work on what we could do to be prepared for such a flood today. Living on the Wisconsin River makes it a good possibility someday.

Taking this course has been interesting so far. It's really helped me understand my kids better. It has also taught me that I am better prepared for teaching than I ever thought I was. Getting a little excited for the in-class assignment...not that I haven't been doing that for going on three years now.

This is my dilemma. What do you think?

It hurts

Smashed my finger in the door this morning. Haven't taken a picture of it to share with you though. But I did break  bent severely my wedding ring. I took it off so as not to lose the stone. The stone fell out when I tried to fix it when I got back home from the store. My finger is all swollen so I couldn't even get it back on if I wanted to.

I think the worse part of this is the emotional strain it's putting me through. I feel a wreck. And it's not like my finger is naked and giving me a complex. Ya'll know that naked finger syndrome. I still have my engagement ring and my carpenter ring. Just the thought that I broke my wedding ring is messing totally with my head.

Top it off...I'm going to have a house full of people tonight for Tiny girl's fifth birthday and tomorrow I am giving a talk at church for our Women's Ministry. Oh and the girls have been at war all week if they haven't been helpful. It's like living in a bipolar circus.

So my next book to read is Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman. We'll see if he has any insights into how to fix me.

What do you do when something throws you off course mentally?

Take Your Thoughts Captive

Been thinking of this phrase alot lately. The audio that I've been listening to with the girls has been talking about the power of your thoughts. If you think you can do a thing, you will. If you think you can't, you won't.

Words of affirmation. My hubby has bounced back and forth on this idea for as long as I've known him. For a while he'll think that it's a great thing to reprogram your mind and silence the negative thoughts. Then he'll bounce to the thought that these things aren't always true and you may be lying to yourself instead of facing reality.

The Bible tells us to take captive our thoughts and not to be conformed by this world. That to me sounds like  a good reason to have your own set of words of affirmation. Memorizing Bible verses is also a good way to control your thoughts.

I got to thinking what I would use for words of affirmation. How would I like to think of myself? How would I like myself to be thought of? Who am I really?

Here's what came to me last night as I put pen to paper...

I am a writer. Even if it be only for me. My words matter, my words have power,and my words make a difference even if it be only for me.
I am an artist. I craft and I create. Everything I make has a story or a reason for being. It has been inspired from somewhere and is going to effect someone in a positive way.
I am a mom. It is not only to my own children but also to every child I reach. They all need to be taught, cared for, listened to, loved, appreciated, and shown a positive example. I am all of these things and more.
I am a wife. I am the best wife for my husband. I listen to his needs. I show him what he means to me. I encourage him and help where I see opportunity.
I am a daughter. I watch and learn and grow.
I am a friend. I listen. I care. I appreciate. I do what I can with what I have for the women in my life.
I am a Christian. I believe Jesus died on the cross for my sins. I believe that He rose from the dead so that I may have eternal life. I know that I am a sinner and that I cannot live a full life without Christ in me. I learn more every day about what being a Christian is and how God wants me to live my life.
I am a student. There is no reason to stop learning. I am constantly searching for new ideas and facts that will help me to become a more well rounded person. I will not grow stagnant and die. I will live my life learning through the end.
I am a woman. I have issues. I have emotions. I have baggage. I have a highly wired mind.
I am crazy and my kids love it.
I am so much more than words can say. God has placed me here, now, and inspired me to write all this, now, because I am meant for more.
I am blessed.

What are you? Where are your thoughts taking you?

Random Thoughts

Didn't feel like writing my latest book review today, I'll do it tomorrow when I have more room to think.

Hubby has been sick since Thursday night. It seems more stressful to have an adult sick than children. We need to get healthy faster so we try to rush the healing by trying to be quiet and make sure they have everything they need. Today the laying around got to him. He seemed to end up everywhere that I wanted to be today and I work alot better when I'm alone than with an audience or helpers. So my brain has been working overtime talking to myself. Eh...better that than giving in to the negative, right?

Last night had a talk with the monkeys before we read bedtime stories (continuing our walk with Dorthoy, she's a bit of a ditz). We talked about how God wants us to live a life like Jesus and how Satan doesn't want us to do that. We talked about how Satan sneaks in and whispers in our ear to do things that are not pleasing to God. I got to use the example of hitting your sister while in church, yes, tall girl and tiny girl...*sigh* I explained that by them giving in to the urge to hit their sister in church that they distracted themselves from God's word, they distracted mom from God's word, and possibly a lot of the congregation because we are front pew sitters. I talked to them about this being the reason why Dad and I keep talking to them about team work and working together. Because the more we work together, the greater a force for good we are and the less power Satan will have over us and the world around us. This conversation has been very helpful all day whenever they started barking at each other.

This morning at breakfast was an interesting talk. My Amber girl told me that a girl in her class doesn't believe in God but she's been baptized. It had confounded her mind completely. I told her that some religions baptize their babies when they are born so that they aren't personally choosing Christ as their savior and then it's up to the parents to teach them about God and why they were baptized. Unlike what my girls went through. They chose Christ as their savior and were baptized this past year. Tiny girl just about fell out of her seat with a, "But they have to believe in God!"

I love learning with my girls and seeing them grow causing me to grow in order to keep up with them. Now off to find something else to do. Who knew cooking pizza would take this long?

A new year

It's a little daunting to me to think of this whole new year open before me and what all I can accomplish this year. Goal setting is not a strength of mine.

Some days I just want to get through today with a sense of sanity. Thinking about tomorrow and all I need to  do is overwhelming some days. Other days, I can plan out a whole week and have it be successful.

Goals are always easier with my hubby helping me set them up. Then as I type this I can think of a few goals we have set together that have driven me insane.

I woke up this morning not being able to process a thought. That might be an exaggeration but everything I started thinking about started taking a downward spiral and I almost spent the whole day under my covers. Knowing that my hubby was going to be home today and that he wouldn't understand this mental state, I pulled myself up and stumbled through an explanation to him. The rest of the morning he spent looking at me like I was an alien (or that's how I felt). After I ate something, I took a shower, put on my new Christmas clothes, and cleaned my desk.

The desk cleaning was slightly stressful because of all the things I kept finding that I needed to take care of when I could barely take care of myself this morning. I barreled through it and have survived. My desk is functionable again. Now to make it function.

Looking at my desk, I realize that I didn't get to do any of the things that I planned to do this Christmas vacation. We did have lots of good times this past week. Now I ponder...do I bash through some of the things that I wanted to do this past week...or...do I keep striving to make it through this day without crawling into a hole?

I'm thinking my to-do list can wait until next week. But there are a few things that I need to tackle today.

I started thinking about what I wanted to accomplish this next year as I was waiting for sleep to take me last night. (As you can see, I am trying to avoid the stress a little longer.) I started making a list of general things. They were just statement and not really goals. They are things that I try to do everyday anyway. I really didn't try to stretch myself at all. Maybe it's because I try and stretch myself every day already. Growing out of the person my history has caused me to be is hard. Being the person I have become is a challenge. I know only those who have been there will understand this.

I suddenly got stuck in my thoughts. Which probably means that I need to go and dive into my to-dos before I run out of time for the day.

I pray that you all had a wonderful entry into the new year and that you are looking forward to making it all that it can be. Because otherwise, you're just wasting the time you are given here on this earth.