Thursday

I've been trying to come up with a witty title for today's entry and I have nothing. This week has been very overwhelming mentally for me. I haven't had any extras pressures put on me that weren't there before the weekend. Just trying to keep myself accountable and on a schedule. Which is apparently very stressful for me because the leg has been groaning at me all week.

MOMS group started up again today and we're doing Esther by Beth Moore. I wasn't as excited about it as some of the other ladies in the group are but I was happy to be getting back into the swing of a study with this group of women. For not being so excited, I sure did take a lot of notes during the introduction session. I think it's going to be good. I didn't realize that Beth Moore was such a history buff, that helps me appreciate her more.

I think what got me today was one sentence. "Our biggest problem is other women."

She did a survey of 400 women and asked them the three toughest things about being a woman. I started thinking about it and I really enjoy being a woman. I would not like to be a man and all that they have to do and be. Not that being a woman is easy. As I was thinking about it and having conversations with some of the other women, it occurred to me that the hardest part about being a woman is other women. We need to lean on other women, we need our girlfriends to listen and understand us, we were built to engage with other women. We were also very judgmental of ourselves and others and we imagine what other women are thinking about us.

I realized that I have had a hard time keeping up with girlfriends. Life was easier when I was hanging out with the guys all the time. Guys were pretty easy to understand and they just spew stuff our all the time. Women are so complicated. And I'm not saying that I'm any better than any of the other women out there, I'm probably worse because I have built such walls around me.

I started thinking about the relationships I have that have a sense of drama to them or that I don't know where to go with them because there's an elephant there that I cannot name. I just started trying to piece together a prayer for them or the situation. When on the radio came..."Father forgive them for they do not know what they are doing." Exactly. They don't know what it's doing to me. They have their own world and their own lives that they are trying to live. They don't know.

Which probably means that I don't know what I am doing in their lives. Ugh.

My other favorite line from today was..."scatterbrained mess". That is exactly how I feel right now.

What do you think is the toughest thing about being a woman?