Thursday, May 17, 2012

The Silver Lining

Been thinking about writing this one all week. Been thinking about doing alot of stuff since I wrote last. Realized today that even the simple things can knock me down if I don't keep the rest of it in check.

Moment of hurrah today. Was doing alot of stretching this morning, just breathing through the pain. The stretches feel great on my leg but when the stretch starts tightening back up again. I was doing so good this morning that I could lift my toes over a half inch off the ground while keeping my heel planted. It was so awesome that I think I showed everyone. I was even walking better by lunch. Then I decided to just take a nap instead of icing my back. Let me tell you that walk to school felt like a mile through quicksand. I actually had to stop twice and rest. School is less than a half mile away, I cross four streets to get there, it should only take 15 minutes with Tiny in tow. So, I am currently typing from my nest on the couch with an ice pack. Tiny helped me pillow up the couch so that I can just lay here and not have any strain in any extremity. The hubby isn't too thrilled with it but it works for now.

It looks like I'm dealing with a bulged disc and having to retrain my leg muscles. That leg is where most of the pain is coming from, it's exhausting. I'm on a regular dose of IB which is wearing me out as well. Don't enjoy how chemicals change my state of being very much.

But the silver lining.

We are using this injury and recovery to teach the girls teamwork, compassion, helpfulness, and not to be self centered. I guess you could say that we're using this to teach them how to be more Christ-like. I have explained to them that there is plenty that I cannot do anymore until I'm better. Also that there are some things that I can only do a little of until I'm better. Along with the fact that they now have to pick up the slack because otherwise I will just get worse. The slack isn't anything huge and out of their abilities so don't think that I have made them my little slaves or minions.

The girls now have to look out for eachother and help eachother more. Like when they need help having their milk poured, or handed toilet paper, or if they fall down, they need to pick each other up so that I can get to them. This they are doing a really good job at doing. I have to keep reminding myself that they are kids and they are going to do kid things, which is great and they should. Some moments I need to remind them that I'm not asking them to do these things because I don't want to, it's because I am not able to do it at this time because when I do I end up hurting myself and then I'm not alot of fun.

I have started warning the girls when the pain is reaching the unbearable point, where it feels impossible to take another step. They have learned to be real cooperative at those times. Also extremely encouraging to me. They hold my hands and give me kisses. We pray together for strength and healing.

I pray with each step at those moments. I feel like The Little Engine That Could, "I can do this, I can do this, I can do this, I can do this because I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I heard a commercial for The Little Engine on one of the girls videos after I started chanting it myself. Violet has picked up this philosophy lately as well. If you tell yourself you can, you will. If you tell yourself that you can't, then you won't.

I will get my leg back to the strength of the other. I will be able to walk the four mile round trip to get the girls from summer school every day. I will heal. I will be strong. I can do all this through Christ who strengthens me. And if it helps the girls grow closer together and learn that sometimes we need to think about others before ourselves, that will be the silver lining in all of this.