Friday, May 11, 2012

Poor me

I had a turn this afternoon for the good mentally. So let's back track a little.

Two months ago, I was walking to school to help out in kindergarten. Slipped on some ice hiding under the new dusting of snow. Skinned my knee and landed on my rear. Still wondering how I did that and what damage I started then. A week later while leaving the house...slipped and fell on the ice again. This time it was flat on my back except for the slight moment when I smashed the heel of my hand into the ground to try and stop the fall.

Stubborn me, didn't immediately go to the chiropractor. I had a thousand excuses. "My chiropractor moved out of town and I don't want to drive all that way to get adjusted." "I don't know any of the other chiropractors in town." " I would have to cross Main St (the highway) to get to that chiropractor." "Waiting for the insurance cards to come because our insurance got switched."

Then I lost feeling in my big toe on the one foot and it hurt to walk. It was no longer just the transition pain from sitting to standing. I sucked up my stubbornness and went across Main St to the new chiropractor.

Felt great for three hours after the adjustment. Then I walked the dog to school to get the girls. Thinking that I shouldn't have done that. The pain for the next two days was excruciating. I would rather have given birth again than done those 48 hours. At least that way it would have been done in 8 hours and I'd have that wonderful little bundle to snuggle with.

Today, I started the day just looking forward to my next appointment. Just to get to 830 and then I could find out what had happened and what I could do. Well, the doc didn't look too happy when I filled him in on the pain and the newly found numb spot on my calf. He redid the strength test on my legs and found that I had lost considerable strength in that leg over the past two days.

I am now on extreme restrictions. No bending, twisting, lifting, and limit stairs. Ice for 15 minutes and then off for an hour and back on again. 800 mg of IB every 4 hours.

If this doesn't work, I can get put on steroids for the pain. If that doesn't work, we're off to the surgeon. Don't want either one of those.

Had a great nap with my tiny and a painful walk by myself to school this afternoon. The walk back home was good and I was even in good spirits when I bent over and felt the pain shoot to my foot. Not quite sure what the change has been. I enjoy this new mentality. It must have been the praying every step I have been taking the last three days. Every step has matched a word of prayer.

It's amazing how such a simple thing can change your outlook so much.

So I wrote all of this and then had to put it aside because I couldn't see a point to what I all wrote besides, "Poor Me." Took my girl out for a date tonight and made her walk around with me while I practiced taking normal steps (it's quite irritating). The answer came to me while driving.

Being stubborn doesn't solve anything and sometimes it just makes things worse, a lot worse.

A currently unanswered prayer doesn't mean "no", it just means "not now". So a year or so ago when my hubby was in so much pain and could barely function himself and yet kept working 10 hour days...and I prayed to relieve some of his pain and that I would be willing to take some of it if that would's come back around and my prayer has been answered. Need to really rethink these prayers of mine.

The Little Engine That Could is one of the best books to read to your children. I've been chanting, "I can do it," while thinking of that little train these last three days.

Your body is a temple, you should treat it as such. You shouldn't treat it like a woodshed. It's the only body you have to live in this life.

Can't imagine what will happen to me if I lose the ability to walk; even if it's just minor like this and having to walk with frustration. Walking is my time to lose myself. God only gives us what we can handle. I'll continue to look for the morals and silver linings through all of this. Thanks for listening. Time to take the last ice pack off and head to bed I think. Got a busy weekend, I think. Been leaving most of the planning and details up to God and He has been filling it all in perfectly. I know the basic steps at least. *sigh* Bedtime...