Have to vs Want to

So what happens to you on the days that you battle the "have to"s vs the "want to"s?

I get sad. And I get mad at myself for trying to fight the ridiculous battle. Of course, I need to do the "have to" so why battle myself on it?

Because then I get to do the fun battle of: I should do that but do I really have to do it today, can I put it off for tomorrow? Well, not tomorrow because I'm busy tomorrow, it'll have to be the day after.

Down we go into the spiral if procrastination and I feel like a failure for not accomplishing what I needed to do so that I can get something else done. Now my days are jammed pack full of stuff and I don't have room to breathe and I really don't want to get anything done.

On a miraculous day, I can get it all accomplished and feel amazing! So why don't I want to do that every day? Why do I want to make myself feel like a failure?

It's not like I don't have a to-do list staring me in the face or an accountability sheet that I fill out every night, because I do.

What it comes down to is that I don't have enough good habits in place in order to protect me from my habit of procrastinating. If I want to eliminate the negative, I need to put a positive where it resides and keep at it. It's all about self-control.

I think that's why it's the last of the list of the fruit of the spirit. It's the hardest one to maintain. Like not pressing the snooze button and getting up when you plan to. Like cutting something out of your diet because you know you feel better without it. Like going to sleep at a decent hour because you're less cranky when you do. Those things that you know are for your best interest and you can do them as long as you think on them but once you think it's a habit. .. you find out it isn't always. Sigh...back to the drawing board.

Some people say that it takes 21 days to form a new habit. That may be true but I believe that some of those habit grooves in your brain are deeper than others and it definitely takes more new-habit-filler to eliminate that negative from your habit line.

We are all a constant work of progress. Keep your eyes on the reward and keep swinging.