Tuesday, January 1, 2013

A new year

It's a little daunting to me to think of this whole new year open before me and what all I can accomplish this year. Goal setting is not a strength of mine.

Some days I just want to get through today with a sense of sanity. Thinking about tomorrow and all I need to  do is overwhelming some days. Other days, I can plan out a whole week and have it be successful.

Goals are always easier with my hubby helping me set them up. Then as I type this I can think of a few goals we have set together that have driven me insane.

I woke up this morning not being able to process a thought. That might be an exaggeration but everything I started thinking about started taking a downward spiral and I almost spent the whole day under my covers. Knowing that my hubby was going to be home today and that he wouldn't understand this mental state, I pulled myself up and stumbled through an explanation to him. The rest of the morning he spent looking at me like I was an alien (or that's how I felt). After I ate something, I took a shower, put on my new Christmas clothes, and cleaned my desk.

The desk cleaning was slightly stressful because of all the things I kept finding that I needed to take care of when I could barely take care of myself this morning. I barreled through it and have survived. My desk is functionable again. Now to make it function.

Looking at my desk, I realize that I didn't get to do any of the things that I planned to do this Christmas vacation. We did have lots of good times this past week. Now I ponder...do I bash through some of the things that I wanted to do this past week...or...do I keep striving to make it through this day without crawling into a hole?

I'm thinking my to-do list can wait until next week. But there are a few things that I need to tackle today.

I started thinking about what I wanted to accomplish this next year as I was waiting for sleep to take me last night. (As you can see, I am trying to avoid the stress a little longer.) I started making a list of general things. They were just statement and not really goals. They are things that I try to do everyday anyway. I really didn't try to stretch myself at all. Maybe it's because I try and stretch myself every day already. Growing out of the person my history has caused me to be is hard. Being the person I have become is a challenge. I know only those who have been there will understand this.

I suddenly got stuck in my thoughts. Which probably means that I need to go and dive into my to-dos before I run out of time for the day.

I pray that you all had a wonderful entry into the new year and that you are looking forward to making it all that it can be. Because otherwise, you're just wasting the time you are given here on this earth.