After a weekend of highs and drops (not lows, just felt like I stepped off a cliff a few times to land on a trampoline) I had the hardest morning ever. I've been writing this in my head today while walking to girls to school and back. Wasn't sure if I was going to write about it but I think there might be some lessons in here that others could appreciate.
I let the girls sleep in a little this morning after our long weekend of playing non-stop. This was probably where I went wrong to start with. But I know how much I enjoy those extra couple of minutes. Then I usually give them hugs and kisses and tickles and words of encouragement about their day and what we're all going to be doing and all of the steps that they are accomplishing while I'm getting the lazy bones out of the rest of the beds.
My Violet girl was all excited about our day today because we get to go and teach letters to the kids in my Amber girl's class. Then my Violet girl tried getting out of bed and had the start of a melt down. So I crawled over onto her bed and started getting her up and moving. I knew I was in a bad position by her feet but she normally crawls up and out of the bed. Lesson One: do not assume anything. Lesson Two: do not allow your head to get in the vicinity of anyone's feet.
Instead of pulling her feet up and crawling out the top of her bed...I saw in slow motion...that sinister giggle and sparkle in her eye, her knee came all the way up to the smile, and released the foot at my face. I instantly thought my nose was broken. Thankful my glasses weren't broken. Waited for the blood to start while the other two girls dropped into panic mode. I pat myself on the back for not cussing. Was really amazed that I didn't cuss and started wondering why not because it hurt that bad.
Once I composed myself, I jumped off the bed and finished getting myself ready for the day. I said something about how it was my own fault for putting myself in that situation and for letting them sleep in those few minutes. If I would just stick to the schedule, there wouldn't be an issue about them getting out of bed and getting ready for school. Now, on my walks today, I realized that it wasn't my fault. She saw me there. If she would have been on her belly trying to scramble away and kicked trying to get her footing, that would have been my fault. So I negative talked myself into not beating the tar out of that little girl. Lesson Three: leave any situation where you feel like you may lose control. I walked out of the room letting the girls that I was going downstairs, that they are all big enough to get ready by themselves, and that I needed to remove myself before I did something that I couldn't take back.
Sobbing the rest of the getting ready for school process. The pain and the unbelief and the reality that I can't do it all myself just caused me to lose control of my control. Make that Lesson Four: you can't do it all yourself, God made you companions for a reason.
When my Violet girl came down to eat breakfast, she said "Sorry Momma" so sweetly that all I could do was nod my head and sob uncontrollably. The rotten mom in me wondered which sister told her that she needed to apologize to me. The other two girls couldn't seem to hug me enough and kept checking to make sure I was ok and that their sister was doing what she was supposed to be doing. My Hazel girl asked me if anything ever happened like this before to me. I told her yes, when she was about 2. She hit me so hard in the face that my glasses went flying. I slapped her back and she hasn't even thought about hitting me since. Not very proud of that memory but it worked. She's the one that worries about me and my well-being the most.
Here's the interesting part that leads to the lesson on it taking a village to raise a child. I was worried about going to school today. I always run into a great friend there and we check and see how each other's kids are and how the previous night and this morning has gone. I was worried about running into her and sharing the story of my morning. Because I was afraid of change. I knew deep inside me that she was going to say something that was going to change my whole day around and I was afraid of what that change was going to be. I was also afraid that I wouldn't be able to talk and would just stand there sobbing my eyes out as she looked at me wondering who died.
It has been a morning of quiet walks today. Lots of thinking going on. We got to school and ran into my friend and she could see from down the hall that something wasn't right. I would share a picture with you of my face, but I don't even like seeing it today. I told her what happened and you could see the unbelief. It wasn't until I shared with her what my other two girls shared with me after I brought the dog in from outside this morning that I started the next lesson. My girls told me that my Violet girl didn't think it was her fault, she thought that it was my fault that she kicked me in the face. After my friend heard that she instantly said, "No" in this voice that caused the entire school to get quiet and listen. It was amazing as she informed Violet that any time she hurt someone else that she would be at fault and that she did not make a Godly choice this morning and that she had better start treating her mom a lot nicer...and many other things...I just don't have them all stored away because as she was talking, you could feel the school quieting, the energy flowing through her as she corrected this child who needed to be corrected and she was doing it through God. Then my friend wrapped her arm around me and said, "If we all walk along with her in Christ, it will all be ok." Or something like that...it was beautiful and what stuck with me was the "we all walk along with her in Christ". That lifted my day.
I came home to work on my computer and the snippet I had collect from an audio on parenting came on in my shuffle. It was about how it takes a village to raise a child. The speaker gave an example of how he would handle one of his friends children if he caught them standing on a table. How he would strongly encourage proper behavior and correct wrong behaviors in a Christ-like manner. How he would expect his friends to do the same thing for his children. Because sometimes, it just needs to come from someone else. My hubby said something along the lines of how he was glad my friend did that for me because it was someone Violet knew but could still be fearful of (in a respect aspect).
So it all clicked into place that I needed to share this story. I was so angry and this little girl that I couldn't stand to be near her. I didn't know how I would get through the day because there was no where I could drop her off and come back later when I felt better. It's probably a good thing that I couldn't because it's allowed my anger to subside. I was at a loss this morning and now I have focus and direction. I am in horrible pain and keep bumping my nose and bringing tears to my eyes. I can't wait for my hubby to get home from work to take over so that I can close my eyes. With all of the crying and getting kicked in the face, my eyes feel bruised.
I am proud of myself for how I reacted compared to how I could have reacted. But I am still at a loss of what to do about this tiny girl. She needs some form of punishment and needs to understand what she did wrong. But I don't think I have it in me to do. This is why God created companions and why we need a village to raise our children. The village isn't always those who live around us. The village is the people that affect our lives. I received prayers from a friend in Florida today after she read my post on FB (all it said was that it was going to be a long day). I'm sure there a few other friends out there praying for me right now because I don't think I would be as sane as I am right now if it weren't for their prayers.